Sarah Sander
After Moishey was born and subsequently diagnosed with Down syndrome, lots of advice poured in. Most was unsolicited, but not necessarily all bad (some of it was really out of line…). We learnt fast how to grow Teflon skin and just let most of it slide off…
But once we rounded the corner, we suddenly found ourselves in the position of offering advice to new parents and we were very quickly taught an important lesson: never initiate a chizuk call to new parents; if and when they will be ready, they will call themselves. People who told me this rule of thumb had been badly burnt in the past and had learned the hard way. They subscribed to this axiom and didn’t budge.
But I have received frequent requests to call new parents and when I tried to explain my ‘policy’ I was often told that they are shy or too shell-shocked and have a hard time reaching out.
This is a quandary that doesn’t ease up with the passage of time. The risk of penetrating another’s cocoon of grief can have high stakes. The consequences can be dire.
In the following essays, parents share their heartache and frustration of being on the receiving end of unsolicited advice; what an eye-opener!