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Up Syndrome - Issue 13

Big Girl, Mommy!
Mommy attempted to follow the advice for surefire toilet training as stated in DSAU, Issue #12 and took Yides into the bathroom with her to give the little one 'hands-on' training. When Mom finished her mission, Yides bolted out to the kitchen nosh cabinet, grabbed a candy and came back to the bathroom, loudly cheering for Mom and handed her the candy.

E-R-R-A-T-I-C
We were listening to a music CD while traveling in my husband's van, and it appeared that the disc had been scratched because it was singing unevenly. From his seat in the back Moishey complained out loud, "Tati, the CD is singing like a dotted line!"

Moo-ooo-ooo
When one of the boys in camp asked for cereal and milk for breakfast, his counselor said, "Sorry, there's no milk," to which the camper replied, "What happened? All the cows died?"

Yakkety, yak, yak, yak...
Moishey was sitting at the table quietly, totally absorbed in doing his homework. His little brother, Shiya, sat down directly across from him and started talking and talking and shooting all sorts of questions at Moishey. After several minutes of tolerating it, Moishey exploded, "Shiya, gey tee deer ois dee Baba's tzein!" (Shiya, go remove your grandma's teeth!)

Lofty Soul and Clever Too!
Although we are careful to purchase all of our fresh produce from stores with reliable hashgacha (we live in Eretz Yisroel), we have the minhag of ma'asering (without a bracha) fresh fruits and vegetables ourselves. This morning I did a big shopping before I went to work. I came home to find boxes piled up outside of our door. I dragged them into the kitchen and got busy serving lunch, etc. I had not gotten to putting them away, when you-know-who (Binyamin Dovid with DS) wandered into the kitchen. He spied the bananas and began a plaintive cry, "nana, nana". (A miracle unto itself! The doctor had recently told me that the combination of medications BD is taking can reduce potassium levels in the body. That same day he started begging for bananas like never before!) He started to take a banana, so I said, "They aren't ripe." No reaction. I added, "They aren't ma'asered yet." He pulled his hand back as if the banana were a hot potato, and walked away. Later in the day he tried again, and again I told him that they weren't ma'asered yet. This time he pulled his hand away, walked over to the counter on which we usually keep the bananas, pointed to the empty basket and asked once again for a, presumably ma'asered, banana.

Lazy Syndrome
Why do kids with Down syndrome plop on the sidewalk in the middle of a walk outside? Because they have sit-Down syndrome, of course!

VIP
The telephone rang and Moishey was the only one in the kitchen. I yelled from one of the children's bedrooms, "Moishey, look at the caller I.D. Who is it?" Moishey responded in kind, "It says 'New York'. It must be Mayor Bloomberg."

Human Animals
The children were complaining that Moishey was getting up early and was being noisy, thus waking them too early too. I lectured him in front of the family, "Moishey, do you know that you are not supposed to wake up others when they are sleeping, that it is considered robbing them of their sleep and that it is 'tsar balei chaim'? Moishey looked at his siblings and asked, "Ets zents ketzelech (are you kittens?)?"

Studious Student
I went to take Shia's glasses from its usual place. They weren't there. I started looking around the house but couldn't find them. "Shia", I asked, "perhaps you know where your glasses are?" Remembering what he learnt in yeshiva he said, "Yes, 'tachas hamitu' - under the bed!"
I looked under his bed and there were his glasses resting 'tachas hamitu'.

Always With Hashem, In Sickness and in Health
Moishey was having a bad flu and was extremely ill on Friday night, with high fever, shakes, and delirium. We were really scared. On Shabbos morning he woke up and was still quite ill. A short while later he felt just a wee bit better and before I knew it, he got out of bed, put on his tzitzis over his pj's, put on his Shabbos hat and started to daven in a siddur. I was shocked!! "Moishey, you were just so, so sick and already you are up and about and davening!?" Without blinking an eye Moishey answered, "It says 'Teni Shevach V'Shirah. I say, Teni Shevach - when I am feeling 'shvach' (weak), then V'Shirah - I want to sing to and praise Hashem."

He blew me away!!!!

P.S. This is Moishey's own interpretation of these words; he had never heard this 'p'shat' from anybody.

The Real Truth?
Moishey's uncle was discussing with Moishey a rabbinic dynasty that has two feuding sides. Uncle asked, "Moishey, who do you think Moshe Rabbeinu supports, Side A or Side B?" Moishey snorted and laughed and replied, "He is not alive anymore." The uncle continued to prod, "What do you think he would do if he could appear on the scene now?" Moishey answered, "He would make peace between the two."

Decency, Please
I prepared Moishey's daily yeshiva snack and placed it inside his trapper. He looked at it before leaving for the bus and removed it from his folder, throwing it on the table. "This is not a normal snack. I don't need this jumbo cookie." After my failed attempts at convincing him that it was indeed a 'normal' snack, I opened the freezer door, peered inside and asked, "Would you like kokosh cake?"

"Ah, now you're talking like a mentsch," he said.

This article first appeared in issue 13 of DSAU

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